Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Seasons Change

Maybe you've been pouring everything into this
From a state of bliss it turns to agony,
You can't predict this
When it comes to it,
You can't hide from it,
So don't you surrender anything.

Don't you know that,
That patience is a virtue
And life is a waiting game,
Don't you know that?
Peace must be nurtured
And all the money in the world
Can't buy you nothing

All these things happen
All these things happen for a reason
So don't you go and throw it all away
You'll get yours when the seasons change

Hurts me to see you feel this way
But it won't be always
Don't you know, everything got to change
Feel like all your hope is gone,
You can't carry on,
But there's nothing wrong
You don't have to pretend with me

Don't you know that,
That patience is a virtue
Yes, it is
And life is a waiting game,
Don't you know that?
Peace must be nurtured
And all the money in the world
Can't buy you nothing

All these things happen
All these things happen for a reason
So don't you go and throw it all away
You'll get yours when the seasons change

-Corinne Bailey Rae

Friday, February 23, 2007

Destination Florida

This is why I live in Fort Lauderdale......

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Jogging or Yogging....It might be a soft J

"I believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild." - Ron Burgundy

I ran a half marathon today for the first time ever. It was one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had, and I hated every minute of it.

I am not a runner. Not in any way, shape, or form. I prefer sports that engage my fast twitch fibers such as beach volleyball, frisbee, or Yahtzee. I've never understood all this running nonsense. But, the idea of running was presented to me in a way that challenged both my athletic prowess and my obsession with competition. I obviously couldn't say no. I originally had signed up for the full marathon, but with everything going on with my dad at the time, I just didn't have enough available opportunities to train. Plus I'm not an idiot. But, the half marathon was within my reach.

So, I woke up this morning at 4am, to make sure that I had enough time to fully wake, pick up Kathryn, and get to the starting line by 5:30am. Before I left the house, I had to make sure that I had all the necessities. But here's the problem....I didn't know what I would need. I've never done this before. I had received some tips from friends that were regular runners, so I just did what they do which included putting band-aids on any existing blisters, bringing a sweatshirt I wouldn't mind throwing away, and applying vaseline to parts of my body that I cannot mention in this blog. This last action is to prevent chafing....use your imagination.

When I got to the starting line area, it was a complete zoo. I had no idea that running was so popular. Apparently there were around 3,000 people participating in this race. 3,000 crazy people who had nothing better to do on a Sunday morning than get up at 4 o'clok and run for no apparent reason. The national anthem was played, the gun was shot, and we were off.

This is when the fun began. I had done some partial long runs, but hadn't spent a lot of time training for this event. I was with 3 other girls though, and we were all running an 8/2 split. Run for 8 minues and walk for 2. That put us at an approximate 10 minute mile. Not a real great time, but good enough to get the job done. Around mile 4, one of the girls and I left the other two girls behind. Not because we were running incredibly fast, they were just stopping before the 8 minutes was up.

I was doing good until around mile 8, that is when my body began to fight me. My left hip starting to take on pain as if someone was stabbing me. That's a wonderful feeling when you know you're only about 1/2 way done. I sucked it up for the next mile, but I just couldn't run anymore. I told Theresa to keep going and I kept up a fast walk. Just after reaching the 9 mile mark, something happened that I will curse God for for the rest of my life. It started to rain. Now I'm sure a lot of you are thinking that would be a good thing, and under normal circumstances it would. But, here's the clincher....we were experiencing some of the coldest temperatures that Fort Lauderdale has seen all winter. It was cold, and now wet, and miserable.

We all had to wear these electronic chips on our shoes that clocked our times at each mile, but it also identified who you were, so when you crossed the finsh line, the announcer was able to call you by name, congratulate you, and tell you how good of a job you did. That was pretty cool, and it got me to thinking.....I wonder if heaven will be like that. If you'll walk through the gates and hear your name over the loud speaker, spoken by God, and then hear him say, "Congratulations, my good and faithful servant. You have run the good race." I hope it's like that, and I hope everyone I know up there will be waiting for me at the finish line.

Moral of the story.....I walked the last 4 miles, but still made it under three hours, which was my goal. Yea!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Uncertainties

I am in a weird place right now and I'm not sure how to get out of it.

I feel like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I can't hold myself up much longer. I've moved back home, and while that unburdens me financially, it adds a whole laundry list of other struggles. Since the death of my dad, my mom has been dependent on me for support in many different areas. I'm her emotional rock, as well as her bookkeeper, and in some cases, her best friend. She is doing so well and her strength is such a witness. I am so proud of her. But my fear is that I won't be able to provide her with the support she needs because the rest of my life has taken over.

On top of that, I'm trying to balance a full time job with a part time school schedule. The school thing is what's killing me. More than once over these last couple of weeks I've seriously considered just giving up on the master's degree. Not for lack of trying, I've just never felt this inadequate before. I sat through a three hour corporate finance class last night and didn't understand one word of what this woman was talking about. I'm not sure I've got what it takes to make it through this program.

And to round it all out, I really miss my dad. It's his absence in the normal, routine type stuff that hurts the most. Picking up the phone to call him when I have a free moment to find out how his doctor's appointment went. Or sitting in traffic last night at 10:30 and picturing myself walking into the house and just unloading all of my frustrations on him. He was really good for that. I had a dream about him last night, nothing extraordinary, but he was there and we were together, and I didn't want to wake up.

Everyone keeps telling me to "keep the faith" or "take it to Jesus," or something else very cliche, but for me, right now, that's easier said than done. I admire those who can keep the faith in the midst of their struggles. I've never been very good at that.

Friday, February 02, 2007

No Answer

I picked up the phone to call my dad today.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

My Turn

Am I not pretty enough?
Too pretty?

Not skinny enough?
Too skinny?

Not spiritual enough?
Too spiritual?

Not funny enough?
Too funny?

Not smart enough?
Too smart?

What was it this time Lord?

What caused him to walk away?

Is it my turn yet?