Counting the Days

You'd never know it, but I've been a complete emotional wreck these last few days. It's always amazing to me how I'll talk for great lengths about subjects such as Britney's meltdown or the Iowa caucus, but to actually verbalize how I'm feeling is like trying to squeeze water from a rock.....impossible. Even those closest to me don't fully understand how deep these emotions run. They know I'm scared, nervous, sad, etc., but we don't talk about how I'm on the verge of tears at all times or how I lay in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering if this will ever pass.

Chris left Saturday and I haven't heard from him yet. 4 days. It doesn't sound like a very long time, but it feels like an eternity. I have no idea if he made it to Iraq safely, but I'm assuming he did since I haven't heard otherwise. So I sit here and I wait. I am never far from my phone and always have the ringer set to ring as loudly as possible. Even when I'm in class, I've got my phone out on the desk so I can see it light up. I've called his phone even though I know he's shut it off. There's something very therapeutic about scrolling through my phonebook until CJ is highlighted and pushing send. It feels normal and familiar.

On top of trying to wade through that emotional cesspool, yesterday was dad's birthday. And what I fear the most almost became a reality......I almost forgot. I felt horrible when my roommate asked me if we were still going to dinner and I had to ask her what we were going to dinner for. I had mentioned to her a few weeks ago that I would like to do something for his birthday, but as the date drew closer, it completely slipped my mind. Horrible.

96 days until Chris comes home.

364 days until dad's birthday.

??? days until things are back to normal.