Fashion 101

A friend of mine has recently been set up on a blind date. It's a friend of a friend type of deal, but he doesn't live locally. He was in town recently and came by the house. Now I've seen pictures of this guy and he is not unfortunate looking. However, when he walked into my living room, he was wearing (insert drum roll, Jaws soundtrack, or any other ominous sounding music).....jean shorts. Yes my friends, jean shorts.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that jean shorts are not acceptable for any male over the age of 5. That's right, 5. Little boys look cute in them, but grown men look completely ridiculous. There are two camps of men that refuse to let the jean short revolution die. Redneck men that spend a Sunday watching NASCAR and men from Florida. I don't know what it is about Florida boys thinking that jean shorts are an acceptable wardrobe choice. I've met guys from all over, and even those boys in the Midwest who aren't exactly known for their expertise in the world of fashion, don't wear jean shorts.

Now don't get me wrong. There are plenty of trends down here in the Sunshine State that need to be abandoned. White linen pants, for example. Skinny jeans. Silk shirts unbuttoned low enough to show chest hair. Screen printed t-shirts telling the world how big it really is. But none of these can even compare to this atrocious misuse of denim.

I cannot stress the importance of burning every single pair of jean shorts that you own. They can be easily replaced by a pair of cargos, khakis, or even a good camouflage. Trust me. They are not cool, they are not comfortable, and they will not get you a date.